Laguna Lore

Waking Up

A long drivel about long things will require a cut, I think, so that people can read other people's journals while looking at their friends' page. Because I'm all considerate like that.

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  • Current Music
    Mana Khemia OST
Laguna Lore

Crawling back into things

Finally starting to model again. I haven't done much of that since graduation. Been mostly too depressed/tired/wanting to take a vacation from it. Was hoping to have serious work by now, but that hasn't happened.

Last couple of attempts to do some modeling/texturing/whatever didn't end well. Some seriously failed projects, like a large-scale street scene, and then me trying to replicate a hallway-type thing from a half-watched tutorial. Then there was that time I tried to start modeling a motorcycle, but I got too wrapped up in research to actually get anywhere with it.

So I've decided to go back to basics. Just try modeling a room. Single room. Closed door, put in a closet for a bit of variety. Figure that ought to give me some things to do for awhile, and help ease me back into the swing of things again.

I need a better demo reel if I'm going to have any hope of ever getting a decent paying job. Gonna need it to get out of debt. To move on with my freaking life.

Speaking of which, it's time for me to seriously start doing that job hunting thing again, so I'm slowly easing my way into that. Starting to also seriously consider relocation as an option. Even if it means I'd have to borrow or steal.

I've been playing a high-stakes game for quite some time now, so there's no reason to back out at this point. Might as well keep rolling the dice until things finally start looking up in my favor. Only other options seem to include becoming mentally unstable and crawling into the fetal position to do nothing but cry for six days straight.

Speaking of crawling, I think I'll go crawl into my bed now. Got too many things that need doing, and no means to make them happen. No insurance yet again means things don't look like they'll get better. If I can get a better job, I can afford to get myself some actual health care... and get my damned teeth fixed while I'm at it.

Fuck poverty, and fuck this lower class bullshit. I've had enough of it. I'm not lucky enough to be able to rely on parents to get me a car or whatever. I've asked for enough from them. I've gotta find a way to make this shit work on my own.

Maybe one of these days I'll sit down and write out the whole story about why I came down here in the first place, and the things that drove me where I am now. But that's probably an entire book's worth, and way more than I wanna write at the moment.

Cold weather coming. Kind of looking forward to that.

Touhoues to send me off to sleep tonight. So relaxing...
  • Current Music
    Dark PHOENiX - 全ての幻想郷の魂の戦い/メイドと血の懐中時計
Laguna Lore

Cue record scratch

Two months without an update? Boy I certainly have been growing lax. So much has happened in the last few months alone, yet at the same time, it feels like absolutely nothing has happened all at the same time.

The latest major updates are that the job search is going horrendously terrible. I've had one good interview, but after a few weeks of waiting (and being told to stop calling back to check in), I've decided to write that job off as me not getting it. If he offers, I'll gladly still take the position, but I am not going to sit around and wait for months for this guy to finally decide to do something. I understand he's been having issues getting interviewees (or so he claimed, at least). Not my problem. You told me when you interviewed me that you were looking to fill the position fairly soonish. You also told me that you'd get back to me within the week. Considering you appear to have made no progress in either of those areas, I can only assume that you just don't want to tell me outright that you don't wish to hire me for the position. That's fine, I'd just prefer to be told that instead of being given false hope.

Am I bitter? Oh yeah. I also think I'm entitled to be.

Major things that have been going on. Aside from struggling to find some new line of work, not much else. I think now that things appear to hopefully be settling down to try and change my plans around a bit. I need to start getting myself back into doing artistic things. Attempting to do that is, as anything with me, progressing slowly. I'm just not sure what to *do*. Hard to be creative when you don't know what to create (or even where to start). To that end, I'm trying to get myself back into some modeling challenge-type things. The hope is that by working on some speed modeling stuff, I might actually be able to get back into the groove of things. I seem to do fairly well when I give myself deadlines to adhere to.

The last few months have been extremely difficult. Due to some bullshittery revolving around Eve's financial aid from school, I was basically forced to shoulder a tremendous financial burden. Cue mass freakouts, paralyzing depression, and fits of frustration. Most of that seems to be in the past now, and while I've lost some important things as a result, things seem to be indicating a positive outcome, assuming something really bad isn't just looming on the horizon. With any luck, the worst of the year is already over, and all I have to do is just kind of ride this crap out until something truly fortuitous occurs.

On the gaming side of things, a number of recent procurements have occurred. We are now in possession of a shiny new black Wii. Eve is tearing shit up with Mario Kart Wii, I'm closing in on the end of Metroid Prime 3 (which I've borrowed from a friend), and I've got Twilight Princess and Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World sitting on the sidelines. Combine this with the new Castlevania (special edition, still sealed T-T), Disgaea 3, Katamari Forever, and Super Street Fighter IV, I ought to have a full plate. Except for the fact that we'll be picking up New Vegas either tonight or tomorrow afternoon.

... so yeah, I think it's safe to say that I should be good on the vidya for the rest of the year. Not that there's much of that left by this point...

Work on my d20 Modification has reached the main phase. It's been launched, and so far, so good I suppose. There's quite a bit of stuff to be re-done, however, and I've been seriously considering working on adding in some more class-changing abilities based on another author's work (who has already given me permission to use his work if I like, so long as I give him credit where it is due). Speaking with him has given me quite a number of ideas of how to finally fix some issues regarding magic and FX, so I think I might actually get d20 Modern (and Pathfinder in general) on a level playing field, without having to change much, and also while keeping conventions as similar as possible. The only thing bothering me regarding the magic overhaul is due to the manner in which I have chosen to handle magic (and by extension, Psionics since it will likely work on a very similar principle) is that I'll have to write completely new classes (or, at the least gutting the previously existing classes to the point where they are pretty much no longer what they used to be). In addition, I'll have to be adding in new Advanced and Prestige classes for these, to make the expansion truly complete.

And then there's having to make the minor 'updates' to Pathfinder: which is basically overhauling the skills in Pathfinder that weren't mentioned in the d20 Modern system, granting them level-based progressions, synergy bonuses, etc. So that way there should be one big, huge happy skill-list family. Amusingly enough, the Knowledge skills really shouldn't overlap much - so you could pretty much mix and match some of them, with GM approval.


On one final note, the weather is getting colder again. Much nicer too. Maybe this is part of the reason why, but I seriously doubt it... but lately I've been dreaming again. Only these aren't my usual dreams. They are longer. More intense. They're sticking in my mind a bit longer, even though a lot of the relevant bits that tie my dreams together seem to be getting lost with time. I might start going to bed earlier just so I can see if I might not be able to start a dreamlog thing by waking up earlier too. Even stranger is that in the last week alone, I have had four seperate instances of deja vu. Actually, I'm not sure I can call it that... more like remembering that I had dreamt these things before. Once the instance sneaks up on me, I know it - word for word, second for second. Including my trying desperately not to freak out about knowing what's just happened.

These moments seem to also be followed by a deep sense of foreboding. After so many instances in such a short span of time, I am growing concerned. If there are things like divine signs or whatnot, and dreams are a gateway to such things, then all these moments I have been experiencing can either be comforting reminders that I am on the right path, and that everything will be just fine. Or they could be stark reminders of "hey, we warned you about this shit ahead of time and you didn't listen."

Considering that these things tend to freak me out, and are followed with negative feelings, I think it ought to be obvious which side of the fence I fall on with this.

Headache is starting to rise, so I may call it a night. Getting tired anyhow.

We'll see if I can update this thing again soonish. Time will tell.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
Laguna Lore

Get back in the game

I really ought to be sleeping, but I realized that I've been neglecting this thing for way too long. So I'll just hit the bullet points on the important things that've been going on with me:

- Graduation. Finally graduated, and went through the ceremony just last week! Happy times.

- Work: Been working at Home Depot. Not glamorous, but helps pay the bills, which is the most important bit. Now if I could get full time, that'd be great, but odds are I'll never see that there. Need to find a better job... like one with my degree.

- Gaming: Schedule has shuffled around a lot, but the game stuffs are pretty much as follows: Roguelife is still running (though not as regularly as before), still playing Anima once in awhile. Got a new regular game every so often by one of our new guys - Flotilla. Basically a waterworld-inspired game. Is pretty cool. Hopefully we'll wrangle Andy into running his 4E game again - it's just been all kinds of crazy the last month though, so focusing on anything has been hard.

- d20 Overhauling: Also been plodding away at a d20 rewrite. Takes the source material and really re-examines a lot of things Modern and Future did. Will give more details some other time, too lazy to do so now.

- Moved: Yeah, I moved. It was a real pain, but I love this place to death, even though I've only been here about four months. It's a great place though, and I'm glad to be living here. Speaking of which, Eve is my roommate. It's great to have someone you know you can lean on once in awhile when things go south (as they have a tendancy to lately).


That's... pretty much the major stuff for now. Between the graduating and the trying to work and making sure rent gets paid, I haven't especially had a lot of spare time for other things. Like reviewing movies. Or writing gameblogs (I don't think anyone read those anyhow). I'll probably try to get back onto the reviewing bandwagon again, as there's plenty of things I'm watching regularly, and I'm trying to make time for movies again.

Hopefully you'll hear from me again... in less than two months. :P
  • Current Music
    Jethro Tull - Salamander
Laguna Lore

I wish I had a song for this

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No, really, I wish I had a song for this. I've never been much of a guy for lyrics (though on occasion, some of them do get to me). But really, the thing I love about music is having vocals that don't actually have words to them. Or they're in Latin or something that I can't really understand.

There's just something pure about vocals in that manner, I feel. Something unbridled and beautiful. Makes me want to burst out into just song without words, to just let all this crap go. I won't though, for fear of embarrassing myself though. Maybe one of these days when nobody else is around? I'd like to do that more, I think.

It's funny how much of music I was raised with, and just how much I've neglected it up to this point. I probably know a fair bit more than I think, though I know for certain I've forgotten a lot more than I care to remember. I know, of course, that I could still pick up a saxaphone and still know how to use it, and how to read some of the older songs I had. Might take me a bit to remember it all though.

What's that got to do with anything? Not much I guess, just me pointlessly blathering on about crap. I've been busy as usual lately, and things aren't looking as though they're going to calm down at any time in the near future. I'm still uncertain about a number of things, and time's quickly wasting away. I'm running out of that time. Goal by the end of the week is to try to have some sort of graphic to use for my resume, card, and leave-behinds. I'll definitely get some time to work on that, given I have class wednesday and all that. Meh.

I have a fairly full calendar, yet I still feel like I'm just not doing enough, or that it's full of everything I want. There's never enough time in the day, yet I feel like I'm just wasting the time that I have. Quite the oddity, that, and I'm not sure how to address it. I'm probably just being overly hard on myself again, but if I'm not overly hard on myself, how can I hope to ever achieve anything?

Oh yay, look at me, all wallowing in despair again. Whatever. I guess I'll just do a cut and get to the gaming-related crap. That's probably what people really want to hear anyways.

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  • Current Mood
    crappy crappy
Laguna Lore

Gameblog falling behind - and how

So a few people have mentioned that I should really start updating this thing again. Taking a look back, I haven't updated any of our regular games since late september. It is now mid December, and there are more games going on in a week than I've had in a long while!

Unfortunately, I have to balance life with my games. With more games to play, this leaves me less time to do other things, like working on my homework (yes, I am still in college, though nearing the end of the road). Add into the mix that I am in the process of looking for an internship, preparing to find a job, and need to find time to work on my portfolio, in addition to working part-time at school... that doesn't leave me very much time to spend a few hours writing.

One could argue that I could just start spending less time playing Dragon Age, but let's be honest with myself: I hardly get to do *that* very much either. A few hours a week at most, and I'm still nowhere near the end of the game.

So that leaves me in a rather interesting spot. Update on my games more often, or just drop this whole thing altogether.

I'll be honest, I really don't feel like going back through all the various gamelogs to find out where I left off, just to spend eight to ten hours or more doing an update that makes me not want to do another one for five months. But on the other hand, I know that those of you who have told me you read the Gameblog find them to be quite amusing, particularly when Bad Things Happen To Good Characters (ie: mine).

I'll try to see if I can't start slowly catching up on the games, probably each with a unique entry of their own, as opposed to cramming everything into one mostrously-sized megapost. Really, the big games I have to update are Anima and Roguelife, and I guess I'll start doing Star Wars now too. Soon, there ought to be another weekly game from Andy, another Eberron-based game but set in 4th Edition this time.

So that's two games a week to write about. Not so bad, I suppose. I'll try to get back on top of this stuff, but if you don't see something, and you happen to see me online, and I don't seem to be doing much, go ahead and poke me. Gently remind me that 'hey, you said you were going to get back on the gameblog stuff'.

Just don't expect me to work on it tonight. I'm probably going to crash as soon as I get home. =_=


More on the home life: One reason I've been particularly unable to be online lately is due to Eve's computer up and dying on her. I may have mentioned some time ago that her computer was damaged during shipping, thanks to the inadequacies of UPS and them not wanting to pay up on the damned insurance claim. Well, we just finally got the money (which we were quite lucky to, thank god), and ironically, it seems that this was 'fast'. Five months is 'fast' for getting the insurance money. You figure that out.

Anyhow, the parts are on their way as I type. This means that, unless fate conspires against me once more, odds are I'll have a computer to be setting up this weekend, and helping to settle Eve into it by installing everything she needs and all that.

I'm a bit jealous though. Now she's got a quad-core processor (the i7!), 6 gigs of RAM, and a shiny new case (not to mention a new mobo that supports triple-channel memory). But I guess all this means is that instead of her stealing my computer to do her work, I'll just be stealing hers to do mine instead. Which is what's been happening as of late, and one reason I may not reply even though I appear to be online - it's not really me. I'm probably asleep or at school or something.

So, with that said, assuming any sort of good luck for me, I might start appearing online a bit more often again. Or I might start playing Fate/Stay Night again and you'll never see me again. Who knows?
  • Current Mood
    tired tired